It took 14 seasons to get there, but I finally quit watching Survivor after two episodes of the current installment (Fiji). It's not that I tired of the microcosm of deceit and backstabbing — in fact, I'll happily belly up to the table again next season for Survivor 15 after the welcome summer break — but several factors had reached a breaking point, at least temporarily.
Thus, some proposed steps to recovery for the aging reality franchise:
Enough with the hidden immunity idol. It's no fun at all to watch an arrogant alpha male find it in the second episode and then wield its power to help him control the rest of the game. It seemed like a good idea, but it quickly became a downer.
Stop airing seasons back to back. One of Survivor's biggest problems at this late stage is a lack of breathing room. In the beginning, seasons sensibly appeared months apart; now one season essentially covers the first half of a standard TV season, and the subsequent season covers the second half. This puts them far too close together, and, combined with the endless string of ratings-desperate twists to come along in the last few years, it simply wore me out. You know going in that it takes four or five episodes to get to the really entertaining stuff, and the investment has just become too much.
Get off the friggin' beach. The skin of flesh-baring hotties glistening in tropical sunlight may be part of Survivor's enduring appeal, but how many more faceless sandy beaches can a viewer endure? As I noted at the beginning of last season, the locale has become merely an afterthought, barely meriting a mention in the opening episode, whereas it used to be all about the drama of the location and its dangerous, man-eating butterflies. Location has too often taken a back seat to overly contrived twists in recent seasons. Now, about six seasons too late and in the face of the show's declining ratings (although still regularly landing in the top 10), Mark Burnett is doing something smart: taking the show to China for season 15. Come September, at least there will be something new to look at besides the flesh.
• Don't look for cracks — just enjoy the surprisingly gripping ride.
Genres: Thriller, courtroom Director: Gregory Hoblit Cast: Anthony Hopkins, Ryan Gosling, Billy Burke, David Strathairn, Rosamund Pike Run time: 1:52 Verdict:&&&1/2
Ryan Gosling is a hotshot assistant district attorney with one foot out the door to a lucrative private firm when he's roped into one last trial involving Anthony Hopkins in full Oscar-winning villain mode. Structural engineer Ted Crawford (Hopkins) has rolled the ultimate revenge and mind game into one as he shoots his philandering wife in a carefully executed plan that dispatches her while ensnaring her partner in lust — a hostage negotiator (Billy Burke) who gets called to the scene of the shooting after Crawford holes up inside and the hired help reports trouble. Taking what appears at first to be an open-and-shut case buttressed by a signed confession, Assistant D.A. Willy Beachum (Gosling) finds himself in a downward spiral as Crawford improbably represents himself well at trial and moves the pawns of his devious plan. Hopkins exudes sophisticated menace so effortlessly that the viewer can forget about fava beans and chianti, although this character has some memorable lines, as well. (I particularly liked, "Knowledge is pain. I'm used to that.") Fracture is engaging to an unlikely degree and overcomes its preposterousness thanks largely to two great actors in top form; in lesser hands, it would likely collapse under its own ridiculous weight. It may be a slick, hammy thriller, but it's an expertly cured slice of ham that only slightly disappoints at the end.
• Part one of the How I Met Your Mother finale airs Monday (May 7) at 7 p.m. Central on CBS.
Verdict:&&1/2
After a series arc going from engagement to break-up to "touching" reunion, part one of the How I Met Your Mother season finale is a manic build up to the wedding of Lily (Alyson Hannigan) and Marshall (Jason Segel). Everything is going wrong as the big moment approaches, with gags including blond highlights in Marshall's hair ("I look like a Backstreet Boy!") and a pregnant harpist who can only reach half the instrument's strings. Barney (Neil Patrick Harris), not surprisingly, gets the best laughs as he plays upon the wedding party's goodwill towards the bride to score drinks and a back rub. Viewers might as well say "I do," but this too-brisk episode tries to cram in something borrowed, something blue and just about everything from the kitchen sink.
• Quick takes on recent impulse purchases at the iTunes store.
No One Is to Blame • Howard Jones //A hapless music consumer could snag a copy of Howard Jones' The Essentials for $7.97 and think to himself that, if nothing else, there would be a few decent tracks plus Jones' signature hit, "No One Is to Blame." Then said consumer would want to break the CD in half upon listening to it and finding that it includes the original mix of the song, a different beast altogether from the Phil Collins-produced U.S. single/album mix, which adds that ticking percussive bit throughout, as well as lots of other aural flourishes. Whatever your opinion of Collins, there's no denying his crafty production infuses the song with new life. And the hapless consumer goes and downloads that version from iTunes.
Remind Me (Radio Edit) • Royksopp //Deliciously mellow and evocative electronica, "Remind Me" was purchased purely based on that pleasant bit that airs in the Geico commercial while the caveman rides the escalator. Released as a single in 2003, it features a smooth delivery of pensive lines about "another place and time where love that traveled far had found me." Why can't songs like this be hits?
Boys and Girls • Good Charlotte //This song first caught my attention because it begs lyrical comparison to Blur's "Girls and Boys." Good Charlotte has a sort of Blink 182-ish knack for strong pop melodies that helps make them palatable, and this is one of the finest examples. I love how the song changes pace for the fadeout with the lines about all of these boys and all of these girls losing their souls in a material world.
Better off Alone • Alice Deejay //A local radio station played this dance nugget enough in the last couple of years to convince me that it was one of the memorable dance highlights of the mid 2000s. And who couldn't like an album title like Who Needs Guitars Anyway? Turns out it's a 2000 single that defied the odds to climb to number 27 on the Hot 100, but it's no surprise that I never heard it in my radio wasteland.
I'll Fly With You (L'Amour Toujours) • Gigi D'Agostino //Ditto the above, except insert the year 2001 and a Hot 100 peak of 78.
You Know I'm no Good • Amy Winehouse //This was snagged as a free download just before all the press proclaimed her a Next Great Thing. Based on this song alone, I'd say the buzz is somewhat warranted: It's a clever slice of pop, channeling the sound of '60s R&B girls groups and carried by Winehouse's distinctive vocals.
All Along the Wall (Styrofoam Mix) • Leigh Nash //The former Sixpence None the Richer vocalist went the remix route with several of the pop nuggets from her solo debut, and the results are tasty.
Alanis Morissette does "My Humps"//Is it loving parody or biting commentary? Morissette would probably politely claim fandom of the Black Eyed Peas and say that it's all in fun. I'm neither a fan of the Peas nor of Fergie, and I think Morissette's cover of "My Humps" is a shrewdly effective indictment of the song and the mindset of many of today's biggest hits. There's just something irresistible about Morissette singing lines like, "What you gonna do with all that junk / All that junk inside that trunk" in the style of one of her intense drama pieces, such as "Mary Jane." On top of that, the accompanying video is blinging hilarious.
// Update // Per Billboard, Alanis' "Humps" is, indeed, getting a single release.
30 Rock//The season's best new comedy achieved near-perfection about mid-season, and NBC has rewarded it with a second season order. We can all breathe a sigh of relief that neurotic Liz Lemon, wacky page Kevin and egocentric exec Jack Donaghy have been spared NBC's itchy cancellation finger, which brings us to …
Kidnapped //The best new drama of the current TV season, unjustly cancelled by NBC after only a handful of airings, is already getting a DVD release on April 24. Like young Leopold Cain, I expected it to be held hostage indefinitely. And the TV on DVD stack grows taller yet again.
New Erasure single //My jury's still out on "I Could Fall in Love With You," but that underwhelming U.K. chart placing of 21 is feeling about right thus far. I haven't felt inspired to order the U.S. single or download the track or its b-side from iTunes. At least the art for this album (Light at the End of the World, out May 22) interestingly references the old stuff. Perhaps the music will, too.
• Depending on your taste, it's either a highbrow thriller or quite overrated.
Genre: Thriller, sort of Director: Alfonso Cuaron DVD released: March 27, 2007 Run time: 1:48 Cast: Clive Owen, Claire-Hope Ashitey, Julianne Moore, Michael Caine, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Pam Ferris Verdict: &&1/2
Children of Men must have one of the highest body counts ever for such a critically lauded film. Based on a 1992 P.D. James novel, it is set in a bleak near future, 2027, in which human females have become infertile and society is coming unhinged. But a new hope arises in a young woman, Kee, who has mysteriously become pregnant, and a small group of protectors attempt to usher her into the care of a group called The Human Project. The movie is essentially one long chase scene as the small band gets caught between warring factions in an increasingly unstable world. Somewhere along the way, I simply lost my interest in whether Kee would make it through the next volley of bullets. There's really no reason to care; with the possible exception of Michael Caine, who provides a few moments of levity as a future hippie, no one infuses any heart into this dark existence, despite an A-list cast. There's no denying that the film is a masterpiece of cinematography, creating a vivid vision of a gritty, hopeless future society that is utterly believable, but technical brilliance alone cannot make me feel. // DVD notes //Deleted scenes and featurettes.
Pictured: A scene from Children of Men shows political marketing alive and well in 2027.
• Survivor goes to China next season.
